Sigh. The time has come, and no, it’s not to lip synch for my life.
It’s time to adjust to eating less!
Remember how I mentioned in my last post that one of my goals for Feb-Mar was to be gentle with myself as I see my caloric needs and energy level change? I was worried because I knew that as I continued to work out and eat highly nutritive whole foods, I’d find that I crave less and get satisfied on smaller amounts of food. This is on top of having more energy and even needing less sleep than I used to.
When I wrote that goal I was aware that it might sound more than a little strange to some. If you’re unhappy with overeating, the prospect of getting full on less might sound really appealing. And, of course, who doesn’t want to have more energy, need less sleep, and not be as bothered by nagging cravings?
For some reason, I’m having a hard time with it. Maybe it’s based in something simple, like the fact that I just like routine. Let me explain: I’ve been eating the same breakfast now for almost two months – a bowl of oatmeal and a green smoothie – and this morning of all mornings I discovered that the 16 ounce smoothie was enough to make me almost uncomfortably full. (Important note: I started on an empty stomach.) Now I’m struggling with the bowl of oats that I made out of habit, but it’s clear I’m not going to be able to finish it. I may have to wait an hour or two.
This really disturbs me! But I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s just ruffled feathers over routine. Or perhaps it’s a worry that eating lighter meals = less nutrition? I seem to have a nagging feeling that a smoothie can’t be enough, even though it is packed with a 1/2 cup of blueberries, a whole banana, a whole orange or apple, and handfuls of spinach – enough food that, not blended into a drink, would fill a large bowl! I feel an urge to complement this great bounty with a bowl of oats.
I might also be battling some overeating symptoms. I’ve never been one to compulsively eat food for the sake of eating food, but I have definitely just kept eating (past the point of satiety) because the meal continued to delight and entrance me. Think three-hour European dinner, not binging. Lately food feels just as delicious, but the “you’re freakin’ full!” signals come so hot and heavy that I have to bury my fork.
Perhaps most of all, I fear sliding back into the same routine that caused rapid unhealthy weight loss years ago. I counted every calorie consumed and then worked every one off at the gym later that day. This is a sickness and it is called exercise bulimia. Back then, I ate very small, light meals, mostly carbs and proteins. A usual day would be high-protein cereal with soymilk for breakfast, the same for lunch, and grits with scrambled tofu for dinner. No smoothies, no big salads, no huge pots of vegetable soups. I constantly craved what I was denying myself. I lost weight rapidly.
Clearly, my early struggles with being happy on less is informed by a constellation of factors.
And yet, however much I am informed or influenced by past actions, I need to realize that this is a new day. Today, I eat rich, balanced, delicious plant-based meals. I snack when I feel like it, but I’m not bullied by insatiable, urgent cravings for sugar or fat. I work out almost every day, only now it is driven by a desire to have a strong body, rather than to look a certain way. I have more energy and need less sleep.
Feeling full on less doesn’t mean all the horrible things I think it does. In fact, it probably means a whole lot of awesome things. I look forward to the time when I see it as a blessing!
Any change like this is bound to be a bit jolting–especially for someone whose natural and cultivated culinary gifts make your kitchen such a scrumptious one to be in!!
But rest assured, dear one; this is totally natural. Almost like grief in a way… you’re so used to one way, then suddenly, your body tells you that it needs another way entirely. So be gentle with yourself!
<3
it will feel second nature soon :) and it’s 100% awesome to spread what was once one meal over 2 or 3… “3 meals a day” is an arbitrary and weird way to do food. 6 smaller meals or even constant high net-gain (ie, easily digestible and highly bioavailable) eating is great for you.
hey adrienne! just wanted to say i’ve been following your blog the past few months and am inspired by your commitment to living a healthy life. the open and honest sharing about your questions, struggles and discoveries along the journey are refreshing. as someone who has been on a somewhat similar journey, i’ve found that learning to trust myself (my body, my hunger ‘cues’, etc.) to be no small thing…and it’s something i keep needing to discover anew each day. i can be a ‘routine’ person and so i’ve often found that travelling/vacation away from home finds me eating less food, but still feeling satisfied.
phew! didn’t mean to type so much…i’ll keep following with interest, wishing you all the best!